Time rolls on…

Over the past few months, really more during the course of this year that is soon ending, I've had so many different events & occurrences that it would all maybe t in a short stories book. I'm not even going to try to jot down the majority of them, as that would truly be an impossible task.

As the title of this post alludes to, time rolls on. We lose things & people, gain things & people & in the end, we look back, I look back & thank God that when my brain sends the signal, my lungs take in oxygen & my heart pumps away to circulate it. When I do thank God at the moment, its fighting over the acceleration & sudden feeling of heaviness in my chest & the fight to keep my contacts in while the tears start to pour out. I fight to stay composed enough to be able to sneak out the words “God, I need strength”. I struggle to even keep typing this as I think of what & what feelings I am writing about. In any case, I will write what I can as this post will probably be written in the next few days, seeing as I've got scheduled events coming up in rather quick succession, which is something I do to keep my mind busy & my heart from melting down.

This year, 2010, has been one of the hardest years I can remember. It has had many good points, but has also contained many hard, tough, struggled moments that have ended in victories, some lost ground & the crumbling of things right in my h&s & in the h&s of many others. I’ll start off with a few of the bad, so as to try to end this post on something of a good note.

One of the things that took a lot of attention brought a lot of contention & brought me down personally this year was my dad. Not as in “oh gosh my dad is evil”, but in the “I love my dad & hate to see him sick” kind of way. This year, my dad has seen an escalation of his diabetes to a level that we never really thought we would see. My dad has always been a picture perfect image of strength & resilience, even in the worst of times. I always saw my dad, & still kind of do see him & this undefeatable, always strong, unbreakable figure. I'm not saying he’s Bruce Willis in “Unbreakable” but rather that he was someone so strong that nothing could break him down. I was proved somewhat wrong this year by a bad guy called diabetes. Sure, diabetes ain’t got NOTHING on Samuel L. Jackson in “Unbreakable”, but it’s a pretty bad guy.

The fight against diabetes has cost my dad 2 toes & has cost my family a shakeup that was only compounded by a whole list of other events, mostly personal individual events. I do have to add here though, that I would never have thought something like this would have affected me the way it did & continues to affect me. The fact that on this thanksgiving I was able to actually sit & laugh with my family; mom, dad, brother, sister & nieces, was something that did fill me with joy, but even more than that, filled me with calm.

Moving on, as I said, the events of the medical ordeal with my dad were compounded in effect by other events that happened that truly didn’t help in one way or another. To run through a few, the youth pastors of my church decided to leave & open up their own ministry, one which I pray for always & know is going to reach many people. Their departure however was something of a downer for me. They have been my youth leaders for, well, for as long as I have been a young person. They were of great inspiration to me, even past disagreements & upsets & such. They were my youth pastors, they are part of my family & well, I was truly hurt when they left. God knows all though & he has a plan.

The hardest & most difficult, emotionally wrecking & single event that seemed to compound all that had gone on is the one thing I will talk of the least. This is because, as you can imagine, it’s a topic that I can’t think of too much at a single time because of the pull it had & continues to have on me. Maybe it was just my attempts to avoid it, but ill give you a piece of advice: don’t be blindsided by something you feel but choose to ignore in the hopes that the feeling goes away. The relationship I fought for &, incidentally, continue to fight for, but now in silence of course, with tears & bouts of angry, frustration & hopelessness that turned into a new dawn, ended. It didn’t just end though; it ended with a pretense that leaves vague hope & just unsettled confusion. Like I said, I wasn’t going to talk much of this because, well, simply put, it hurts. All that matters is, maybe only to me, my heart, “this heart, it beats, beats for only you”

So, it’s been maybe 2 or 3 weeks since I began this blog post & I’ve decided to finish it up, all before my birthday, which is about 23 mins. from right now. I’ve had a few rollercoaster weeks.

The Uprise has had a gig, for it we rehearsed & in those rehearsals we worked with J.U, which was Sam’s old bass player. I had some reservations, but I get along just fine with him both personally & musically. I'm praying we make the right decision on it all in the hopes that it will be an addition for which & with which to give a great worship to God.

A few Fridays ago, we had a particularly different kind of worship Friday service. Within 3 hours I realized I’d be doing the worship by myself. God knew beforeh& though & had placed a desire for a certain kind of worship. The idea was seeded, if you will, thanks to a song I heard that just made me think. I sat thought & realized that I could complain. I could spend time complaining about all the things I've lost that I loved, or I can celebrate that which I have. Most of these is love. I know love. I know what it is to love, be loved & then be left being the only one with love. Maybe I'm foolish. Maybe I should move on. But I can’t. What would have happened if while he was here, Jesus would have just given up on being loved by his own people? If I am to be called by that name, then I can be no different. Sure, I'm not Jesus, but he was true to that which he planned to do out of love.

I am alive. Time rolls on, but I'm ALIVE. Maybe now I have fewer friends, less of those I called family, less people with whom to watch a movie with, but I've got some new people who I get to enjoy music with. Some new people with whom I get to laugh with about dumb things or even someone with whom I share an odd tradition of one awesome piece of cake every week. Heck, I dare say her sarcasm sometimes makes up, even in a small bit, for some stuff I've lost. This other person makes jokes of obviousness that I miss from someone else. On & on I could go comparing what I have with what I've lost. In the end, all I need, all I've needed, all we ALL need… All we need is love. Love that brings people together.

Love that reminds us that we aren’t alone in any way… That’s all we really need…

I'm ending this blog now… I pray if you read this you gather from it at least this one bit… No matter who, what, or how many leave you… There is a love that will never abandon, or forsake you. It is the love of the father. The love of the one who wove you within your mother womb. The love of the one who gave it all. The one, perfect, amazing example of true love… God in heaven, creator of heaven & Earth… HE loves you, even if no one else does…

Goodnight, God bless, be safe. Arise & be all that you dream. All that you’ve ever dreamed… <3=)

“Love” and TRUE love…

Man's view of love is so distorted, that it MUST be separated from TRUE love. What man calls "love" are deprecation, abomination & complete distortion of what it means. Love, in terms of man, is unruly, control-less & foundationless. You can't "MAKE love", it is or it is not.

TRUE love is kind, peaceful, gentle, patient, crazy in passion, but thoughtful & careful in action. Love is true, undeceiving & of all, JUST. Love is JUST, able to separate right from wrong. Sound like someone you SHOULD know? Yea... God IS love & in him there is no sin, darkness or evil, but there is compassion, peace & JUSTICE. You cannot love & not be just. God IS love & his throne is founded upon righteousness & justice...

The question is: Are we sowing true love to reap salvation? Or are sowing depravity re-labeled as "love" so as to reap judgment? YOU decide…

Juice...

Juice...

So I'm sitting here, after taking a long nap to recoup some energy drained out over the weekend, and after a wonderful, hot shower, feeling that i have to write something, but couldn't figure out what. Then something hit me. I'm sitting here eating some crackers and drinking some grape juice. THAT made me raise an eyebrow. The question that followed within me was "what makes these just crackers and juice, but the crackers and juice used in communion so much more?"

That question made me think though about something else. This was something that my girlfriend Kayla mentioned to me while we discussing something. What makes playing an instrument or singing different from creating worship and praise? I figure this would be easy, since i have seen both sides of the metaphorical coin in question.

Playing an instrument truly is a gift all its own. While some can write lyrics and accompany it with music, some people are limited to just playing an instrument. The same way a poet can express his feelings or point in an elaborate piece of poetry, a musician can get his/ her point across with a few or many notes. While some can write elaborate essays about the origins of everything, a musician can leave an impression that can make someone think and question everything.

The art of making music isn't all that rare. Notice however that I'm talking about musicians and true musical artists, not these label hyped up, garbage and nonsense lyric singing, mainstream artists. I mean people who are able to create a piece of music so deep and detailed so as to affect you. One group of musicians and composers that are a perfect example are those who make music for movies or TV shows. one day, watch a movie with the sound off and the subtitles on. If its a "scary" movie, you'll find it NOT so scary. If its a funny movie, it wont be that funny. The reason is that the composer looks at the storyboard of a movie and creates music that will COMMUNICATE to the audience the ambiance, emotion and feel of the scene through the music.

So what IS the difference between playing music and worship? Look at it this way, you can play music and it become worship, but you can worship without any music. See, music is just music. an arrangement of musical notes that when performed together, make a musical piece. Worship on the other hand, is a way of life. Worship, as defined in the dictionary:

wor·ship⁽¹⁾

   [wur-ship] noun, verb,-shiped, -ship·ing or (especially British) -shipped, -ship·ping.

–noun

1.

reverent honor and homage paid to God or a sacred personage, or to any object regarded as sacred.

2.

formal or ceremonious rendering of such honor and homage:They attended worship this morning.

3.

adoring reverence or regard: excessive worship of business success.

4.

the object of adoring reverence or regard.

5.

(initial capital letter) British. a title of honor used in addressing or mentioning certain magistrates and others of high rank or station (usually prec. by Your, His, or Her).

–verb (used with object)

6.

to render religious reverence and homage to.

7.

to feel an adoring reverence or regard for (any person or thing).

–verb (used without object)

8.

to render religious reverence and homage, as to a deity.

9.

to attend services of divine worship.

10.

to feel an adoring reverence or regard

So basically, worship is the act of giving honor, reverence, homage and feeling adoration to, in the case of a born again Christian, to God. To worship God is not to go to church and sing some songs, yell out a few "amens" and a few "hallelujah's". Worship is a way of life. A way of life in which you inhale air and exhale adoration for God. Its a way of life that gives everything you are and do a meaning of being done for the King, to be approved by the King, so as to please the King of kings.

Some see worship as only singing songs and the truth is that those songs are only worship when they are acceptable to God as worship. I believe it at pandemic levels the amount of "Christians" that go to church once a week and "worship" when in reality they are just singing, while there are others who walk in worship, not caring if they are in church or at work or just walking down the street. They live in worship.

Jesus made it simple in John 4:21-24. The Samaritan woman asked for clarification about the laws on where to worship and Jesus answer in such a deep way so as to answer the questions of where, how and when. You see, it doesn't matter where you worship, just that it be TRUE worship in Spirit and in truth. Its not a song, its not a place, its not a set of notes or the other. Its about giving God unending, untainted, true worship.

To end, what are the results of just singing, void of the true essence of worship? Simple, an empty, spiritless existence, empty of God and full of being ravaged not by the enemy, but by our own tryings to build a foundation without the Holy Spirit. The benefits of TRUE worship? Healing, peace, sorrow turned into laughter, pain turned into Joy. What else? Strength to overcome temptation, power to overcome the attacks of the enemy and a true understanding that no matter where you may be, you can find yourself at the foot of God's throne, sitting in his presence and Glory, where he can be with you and you can be with him.

Friends and dear readers, the time of empty, useless noise making is over. We must begin to emit TRUE worship. We must begin to LIVE worship. We must BE worship, forever burning in the fire of the Holy Spirit, as sweet, acceptable incense in God's presence.

Be blessed...

-Eli W

^{(1)http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/worship}

Born.

From the very moment we shouted our first cry, bound we are by the sins, evil & betrayal of our forefathers. Bound & held in contempt from the presence of our mighty, limitless heavenly father. How would he, how could he embrace his greatest creation now that they were unclean, having allowed darkness a place to reside? How?

A plan...

His plan? Redeem & rebuild his fallen children, for what was once devastated can be recreated. Recreated into a new existence, a rebirth a new creation, no longer held in contempt, but embraced in love, by grace. Blood would need to be shed. As with the sacrifices of old, the blood of innocense. Not of an animal, but of a sacrificial, sinless, blemishless lamb. Innocent blood must be shed upon the creation, not to hide, but to destroy & wipe sin away.


But who? Who could perfect? Who could be innocent? Jehova asks, a question that would resound through all the heavens. In the midst of the question & the silence that for a moment silences the perpetual praise of the angelic choir, a voice shatters the silence. Throughout the heavens resounds the voice, it saying "I will go".

Who?

The word. The action of the word. The substance of the word. The only thing that COULD complete the plan, the very word of God. The innocent blood of the word, the life of the spring of living water, the vessel, the perfect vessel must be cast upon the earth & shattered.

To be broken by the ones he is to save. To be torn by the very children of his father. To be trampled upon by his very beloved.

But he stood up. He gave it all. He gave what no one deserved, but his love drove his heart.


Lord, thank you. I didn't and don't deserve your love or mercy, but you gave it all for me... Help me to do the same for YOU <3

- EW